This week I have felt a million different emotions that I didn't even know existed. I wish I were I good writer so I could express what I needed to in a way that would make sense. But, since I'm not a good writer, and since things are still too fresh for me to express my feelings on the internet...I won't. Not yet. I will just say that this past week has been a rough ride. For lots of people, not just for me. I went to the doctor on Wednesday, just to check things out and make sure I was okay. However, I found out that things weren't right with little Baby Hirz. My baby wasn't the right size and things just weren't right. The doctor told me I was going to have a miscarriage. I just didn't really know what to think. Brent and I were so excited, so ready to have a baby come into our home!! It was something that we have been praying for for a long, long time.
Without expressing all of the things that went through my mind, that's really all I can say. Brent has been so amazing to me. He has cried right along with me but he has been the most wonderful person to cry too. I am so grateful, so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. How did I get so lucky? I have asked a lot of questions, things about what happened to little baby Hirz? And, I have had lots of great answers. One thing I am so grateful for right now is the Gospel. (I did get angry though, and confused and I wondered why this happened....) But now I am grateful. (Not that I still don't have other emotions, but I'm only human.) I have this wonderful knowledge that Jesus Christ lives. That I will be able to raise my baby someday. That the Savior knows my pain and that he knows what I am feeling. This gospel really is glorious. It is perfect. I have a Heavenly Father who is just and fair and who loves me and knows me by name. What a comfort.
What a blessing my mom has been. She came and helped us move all of our home, cleaned our old apartment with Brent, and has taken great care of me. I love moms. Mine most of all. She is the best mom in the whole world. And when I do get to have babies of my own, I might be a good mom too. Only cause of her example. And if I'm half like her, I'll have some darn lucky kids.
15 comments:
Carolyn, I love you, and you'll make a terrific mom. My condolences.
Oh Carolyn... how difficult this must be for you at this time, and how grateful I am for your willingness to share your story and to testify of the Living Christ who does understand and who will never, ever leave you comfortless. I cannot relate to such a great loss, but I do want to offer my sincerest sorrow. You will both be in my prayers, and so will your future children. You are going to make a wonderful mom--you are such a great person. Hold your head and know that it's okay to go through these mixed emotions... just never lose your eye single to the glory... my love goes out to you.
Carolyn and Brent,
I know this is a very difficult time for both of you. I am so sorry that you had this experience and I wish I could make things better. A better day will come I promise you. God knows your needs and He is very much aware of the wonderful couple that you are. He will be sending you some of his most choice children. Sometimes in life we have to know the bitter before the sweet. One day all will be well...you hang onto that thought. I love you both with all my heart and soul and I too cried at the news. But we bounce back and we go forward with faith and knowledge that God is in charge.
I forgot to leave my name in message above.
Mimi
Oh Carolyn, I'm so sorry for your loss. Be good to yourself and remember Heavenly Father knows your needs and will be there for you, to take care of you and help get you through this. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
I'm so glad you wrote this down so you can reread it when you need strength! Your testimony is strong and solid. I'm grateful you have Brent to help carry your burden and such a loving mom to help in your time of need. Their love for you had never been in doubt. What a blessing! I can't wait to see you Friday and give you a big hug. Travel safe back to Zion (ha, ha). Love ya.
carolyn, we love you! you are so amazing and strong, keep your chin up and always remember that someday, you will see your beautiful baby. if you need anything, i'm here for you, even though i live in a different state!
again carolyn...we love you and brent and wish you all the best.
Carolyn.. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're going thru right now. I know everyone has already said this but you truly are an amazing person with such a strong testimony. You are going to make an amazing mother someday!! Hang onto Brent. It's such a blessing to have husbands that love and care unconditionally and that cry with us and laugh with us and share in our joy and sadness and anything we might go thru. Keep your head up and keep smiling. You are such an amazing person!! Hope things get better soon!! I hope you're feeling ok.
I'm so sorry to hear that. A lot of people have miscarriages their first go round and in between as well. I had one the first time we were pregnant, but only a couple months later was pleased to have gotten pregnant again. No one knows why they don't develop right but you have been blessed so you will be blessed again Carolyn!! You guys are in my prayers. Babies are wonderful blessings. Keep your head high!!
You and Brent WILL be amazing parents someday! Always remember that! Your future children will be very blessed to have you.
I'm so very sorry. Everything has its time and season though we might not understand it now. You DO have a great mom and you WILL be a great mom too! I love moms. They are awesome. Love ya!
I love you bug...and Brent. I'm glad I was able to come and help with the move and everything else. You two are wonderful couple. I love being with you and hearing the laughter in your home. Nice to see best friends in love. Hang on tight to each other...as I know you do. Brighter days are ahead.
I am so sorry. I know you will make a great mom someday. I love you so much cuz!
carolyn! i'm so sorry for this hard time :( i hope you're doing starting to do a little better. i miss seeing your face, i can't wait until you come back!
Carolyn,I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and Brent. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Aunt Cindy
Post a Comment